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How to Get Women To Reply To Your Messages




When writing a message you have to realize 2 very important facts  -

  • Women receive messages every day. To make sure the woman takes your message seriously, it needs to stand out from the crowd !

  • The whole aim of the first message you send is to make a woman interested enough to reply to it ... and to allow you to start a 'conversation' ! 

The step by step process on this page will get you results ... and is based on my own experiences and discussions I've had with both dating experts and real dominant women who have used Dating Sites.

This information is split into 3 parts:

  1. What You Need to Know Before You Write a Message
  2. Step By Step On How To Create Your Message
  3. Next Steps - What you need to do Today


  • Make Your Subject Field interesting and descriptive enough that she will actually open the message and read it.

  • Quote from a Mistress - "One liners, “I want to be your slave” don’t tell her anything she wants to know about you.  If you didn’t want to submit to her, you wouldn’t have answered her ad.  So give her information, don’t waste her time"

  • You wouldn't expect to go up to a woman in a bar and ask her for sex straight away ... so do NOT be overtly sexual in your first message.  For example don't tell her how good you are at oral.  Don’t tell her that you want to be her toilet (trust me on this…this information is better saved until after you meet her.) or want to be f$%ked with a strapon etc.

  • Calling her Mistress before she accepts your submission is seen as presumptuous.  Mistress is a term implying obligation and relationship.  So when you write to her, call her by her name, call her ma’am, but avoid using Mistress as a term to address her by.

  • Attach a good picture which includes your face if possible

  • Do NOT send pictures of your penis.

  • If someone else can say it, don’t say it - It’s not that “You’ve got a great smile, let’s go out sometime” is a bad opener. It’s just so … easy. And easy equals common. Ask yourself if what you’re writing sounds completely original. If not, the person you’re contacting probably has 10 emails just like yours sitting on the computer screen.

  • Cut to the chase. Don’t waste time with a whole bunch of text that doesn’t tell the recipient anything new. Consider a message like this:

Dear JB,

I read your profile and thought it was really amazing. Plus, you’re really sexy. So please look at my profile and if you like what I had to say, write back to me when you get a chance.



Every line of this message can be thrown out. Why? Because anyone whom you contact knows by virtue of you writing to them that a) you liked their profile, b) you liked their photo and c) you’d like a reply. So why say any of it? Better to come up with a fun, unique angle.

  • Be flirty. Be confident. Be different. Keep in mind that YOU are the commodity here. Even though you’re writing to someone out of the blue, do so with the belief that this person would be lucky to have you. If you’re too complimentary in that initial email, you can come off as desperate and needy. So don’t go overboard. Say a couple of funny, coy lines and get out. Your profile ultimately does the selling; your email just has to pique their interest.


Still, the question remains: how do you say something original and flirty? That, my friends, is what separates the most successful online daters from the rest of the pack.

Here are three steps to set you on the right path:

Step 1: Read her profile closely. Every word of it. Remember, that’s why she wrote it – because she wants you to get to know her, not because she wants to be told for the umpteenth time that she’s hot. Men who treat women as unique and interesting individuals stand a much greater shot of receiving a response.

The thing is, even if she’s interesting, she most likely wrote a whole bunch of clichés in her profile: “I’m nice, smart, kind, warm, funny, honest and family-oriented. I like hiking, biking, movies, music, travel. I’m looking for my best friend, lover and partner in crime for a lifetime of love and laughter.” (Scary how easy it is to approximate the typical online dating profile, isn’t it?)

Obviously, there’s not much to respond to here. Even a specific response like “I noticed you enjoy biking. What trail do you ride on?” is kind of bland, although it is sincere. So let’s think outside the box, shall we?

Step 2: Find the most interesting tidbit in her entire profile. NOT the thing you like the most, NOT the thing you find most attractive, NOT the thing you have in common. The most interesting tidbit in her profile is the thing that sounds like it couldn’t have been written by anybody else in the world. It might be how she hates pigeons. It might be how she was once a foot model. It might be how she doesn’t know how to program her TiVo. Whatever it is, take her quirky tidbit and turn it into your pickup line.

Step 3: Write something that’s interesting and different about that tidbit.

Yes, you think she’s attractive.
Yes, you think her profile is entertaining.
Yes, you think it’s cool that she also likes Robert DeNiro movies and skiing in Vail.

But does any of that sound like a good pickup line to you? Not really. Dig deeper.

One Way To Do Step 3: One way many people find works for them it to write something that's not true.

Yes, you heard me correctly. An effective way to catch someone’s attention in an initial email is with fiction. Why? Because the truth, as we’ve established, is boring.

That is take her factoid and apply it to yourself in a fictional fashion. The sillier and more over-the-top your email, the funnier it’ll be. A good joke doesn’t require an explanation – it’s obviously a joke. For example, if you’re writing to the foot model, you might say:

Once upon a time, I was a knee model. Great money, tons of fame, you know the deal … Then I skinned my knee when rollerblading. I never modeled again.
Let’s drink to our fashion careers,


Sure, it’s a little goofy, but people actually respond to this stuff. Why? Because it’s different, it’s audacious and, in a strange way, it’s kind of smart. Most importantly, it’s confident. It’s not an idle compliment or a generic, “Ooh, look what we have in common” line. It’s a joke and, as we all know, people like people who make them laugh.

Want to try again? Let’s take the TiVo woman.
Start your comment in the subject heading of the email, like this…

TiVo for Dummies

I can fix your computer, landscape your backyard and probably even hotwire your car, but, for some reason, TiVo programming seems to elude me as well. So if you’re interested in watching the entire season of “When Animals Attack”… in Spanish … with subtitles … I’m definitely your guy.

Talk to you soon,

Shake things up a little !

If these kinds of emails don’t work for you, no problem. Humor is subjective. Just keep in mind that the confidence it takes to write an email like that is compelling. Playing it safe is fine, but if an attractive person has dozens, if not hundreds, of options, you need to shake things up a little bit to break through the clutter.


Final Thoughts !

Remember, the aim of your message is to get her interested enough to actually reply and start a 'conversation' ! 

NB: Also remember that she may check your profile before replying to your message ... so make sure your profile is intriguing and does not contradict your message.


This information is not worth anything unless you put it into practice.


Personally I spent a couple of days sending out practice messages to women I was not really interested in, until I got the hang of it.


Then I started sending messages to women I was actually interested in.


As a rule of thumb, once you can get one reply for every five messages you send out, you are 
ready to send messages to women you’re really interested in.
So log into the dating sites (by clicking here) and start practicing !


-- Leon Smith



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